Fresh Bride

SPARKLING BUTTERFLIES

The butterfly is a symbol of transformation.  It begins earth-bound and later takes flight as something new and beautiful.  So, it's no wonder that brides are drawn to the beauty of the butterfly when considering symbols and icons to incorporate into their wedding day -- via a hairclip, decor, even the ceremony.

For a bride and groom recently married in Mexico, I provided handmade, golden-glittered butterlies which were handed out to all the guests.  Just prior to the bride and groom's sharing of their vows, the guests were called up to make a wish with their butterfly and lay it at the feet of the bride and groom.  It could be a wish for themselves, or a wish for the bride and groom.  Symbolically, these wishes would then take flight upon the formalizing of the marriage.  For a bride who loves has both earthy sensibilities and a love of "things that are extra-sparkly," this was a perfectly personalized ceremonial ritual.

(photo: flickr)

A Crafter's Bridal Shower

Invite some friends over to "bless your wedding" by coming over for a decoupage project.

Give out new and old magazines, sheet music, books and pictures, and scissors.  Have them cut out their "wishes for your marriage."  Decoupage them onto a mailbox for your new house.  Serve the cake, talk about your wedding plans, and by the end of the shower, the mailbox will be complete. 

As a "thank you" gift, give your girlfiends a subscription to YOUR favorite magazine. Now every time you go to your mailbox, along with your bills, you can bring in all the good will of people who love you. (You'll also get to meet your new neighbors when they come over to ask you to tell them about the one-of-a-kind mailbox on your front lawn.)  And each month, when your favorite magazine arrives in your friends' mailboxes, they will be reminded that you love them. 

(If you're not moving into a new home that calls for a mailbox, it can also be affixed to a stand to create a unique piece of art in your new home.)

Double Happiness at your Wedding.

                                               "double happiness"

As a single person, Marni adopted Sun-lee from China.  Sun-lee was three when Marni and her boyfriend Michael decided to marry.  Marni and Michael exchanged rings during their ceremony, and then we conducted a special ceremony-within-the-ceremony at which Marni and Michael presented Sun-lee with a necklace they'd chosen to represent their love for her, their respect for her heritage (Marni and Michael are Anglo American) and to affirm their joint commitment to parenting her.  The necklace features a charm with the Chinese symbol for double happiness on it.  Mom Marni is now keeping the necklace safe and sound for Sun-lee until she's old enough to fully appreciate and wear it.  And when she's old enough, mom will give her both the necklace and a written copy of the ceremony created just for her.  What a story that necklace will possess.  What a true "family wedding" it was.

Wedding Sketches

I think this may be my craziest idea yet -- for the artsy brides and crafters . . .

Under each seat, provide a small pad of paper and a fine point pen for your guests.  Ask your officiant to invite your guests to sketch a picture of you at your wedding ceremony.  "Take no more than a minute to do it, and stick figures are welcome."  They can sign their sketch (or not) and place it on a display table at your party for everyone to gasp or giggle at while sipping their champagne. 

You can't even begin to predict the outcome!  Now that's a way to treasure your memories.

Wedding Reflections From Your Elders.

Do you have a favorite Aunt and Uncle whose marriage serves as a shining example for your own?  Invite them to answer this question as part of your ceremony:

"What is it you see in us that tells you we can successfully do this thing called marriage, just as you have all these years?"

Their words will offer you a beautiful reflection of your strengths as a couple and they will support your aim to live in wedding bliss.

Guest Lists.

Do you have guests coming in from all over the globe to be at your wedding? 

One couple I worked with in Beverly Hills had people come in from 12 different states and 5 different countries.  To demonstrate the couple's appreciation for the journey each guest had made to join them for their wedding, we took time during the ceremony to talk about the fact that this community of people had gathered from far and wide.  I then invited the guests to stand when they heard the name of their state or country spoken, and I read the list of places everyone had come from. This gave the guests a moment to feel honored and appreciated.  It also gave everyone a chance to see who was who before meeting each other for the first time after the ceremony.  In fact, this served as a great ice breaker for the party.  And an unexpected benefit was that it gave the wedding couple a chance to feel their own importance to all of these people who had come from so far away to be with them.

Where are your guests coming from? 

Expressions of Love.

Have you ever been at a wedding where the officiant invited all the married people to reaffirm their love during the couple's ceremony?  It's a well-intentioned concept, but it can make many of the guests feel uncomfortable and left out -- gay, single, children, widowed, grandma... Affirming love is not the exclusive domain of married people.

A more inclusive variation on the theme would be to invite everyone to "close your eyes and take a moment in silence to consider a way in which you can commit, or re-commit, to expressing love in your life." 

Be sure to face your guests when the officiant asks them to do this; you'll want to see them beam!  And the subject makes a great ice breaker at party time.

Rings, Please.

I was doing some research one day and came across the word ylang-ylang. I learned that it’s the flower of a tropical Asian tree and yields an essential oil that’s widely used in perfumery. In Indonesia, the flower is considered an aphrodisiac, and the ylang-ylang petals are spread on the bed of newlywed couples.

I later met a bride who brought her wedding ring to one of our meetings so that I could see it. She was very excited about it and told me she bought it at Ylang, Ylang www.ylangylang.com (but also be sure to check out the fabulous www.ylang23.com). "Do you know what that word means?” she asked.

She was quite amused that her ring came from a store named for a flower that is commonly spread on the bed of Indonesian newlyweds for its mythical love-enhancing powers. So we decided to include this story in her wedding ceremony. For added interest, the rings were carried on a large and beautiful wood-carving of an Indonesian garuda (a mythical bird with spiritual powers). What the bride didn’t know is that I’d asked her matron of honor to arrange for a basket of ylang-ylang flowers to be delivered to the wedding ceremony. The matron of honor contacted the florist who figured out a way to get the job done. During the ceremony, after we told the story of the ylang-ylang flower and had the ring bearer carry in the rings, the bridesmaids surprised the bride and groom by sprinkling ylang-ylang flowers at their feet. And after the ceremony, the maid of honor came back to the ceremony site, gathered up the flower petals and slipped them into the bride’s getaway bag -- so she could lay them on her bed the night of her honeymoon.

So, what’s the story of your wedding band? If you don’t think you have one, just give it a try. Ask a friend to sit down with you so that you can tell her the story of how you chose, found, designed, received and/or discovered your wedding band. As you hear yourself talk out loud, you might just learn that you do have a story to tell. And identifying your story is the first step toward adding greater interest to your officiant’s request for the “rings please.”

Family Expansion Contract.

When two lives are joined, so are the families that stand behind them.   In addition to your own exchange of vows, consider this possibility:

- a ceremonial signing of a "family expansion contract" that encourages open-mindedness and generosity among family members. 

If you take this one on, here are a few tips:

Several months before your wedding, meet with primary family members and invite them to help create a document they would be willing to sign.  (Details on how to facilitate this process available in my forthcoming book.)  This will encourage participation and interest in your wedding and the future of your married life. 

During your ceremony, one previously designated representative from each side of the family will be invited to come forward and join you in signing the family document.  Make this experience fun and memorable in the following ways:

- provide a personally engraved pen for each person signing.  The pen then is given as a gift in thanks for their valued participation in this ceremonial event.

- after your wedding day, frame copies of the document for each relevant family member.  Choose a frame suitable for display in each recipient's home.  This makes a unique gift honoring their importance in your life, and it provides constant reminder of your invitation for their support of your marriage.

Something old. Something NEW!

Something old. Something new. Something borrowed.  Something blue.

Going to great lengths to live out this tradition?  Why not make it part of your ceremony.  Designate four lucky people to be invited to bring you each item, one at a time, as the officiant describes the meaning or its story.  Do it as a complete segment of your ceremony (all four items presented in a row) or piece by piece at different times in the ceremony.

Example:  Is your "something old" great grandmother's handmade lace handkerchief?  Have your matron of honor carry it down the aisle for you.  The officiant can then invite her to present it to you at the beginning of your ceremony, just after you arrive at the altar -- "to catch any tears of joy that may flow while exchanging your vows."

Better yet, your matron of honor is reading this and sets it up as a surprise!  :)