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Heroines & Heros

         Who's your heroine?

Last Empress

Consider a favorite heroine or hero.  For example author Anchee Min's bestseller, Empress Orchid and her follow up, The Last Empress, tells the story of a poor girl from countryside of China who was chosen to be an Imperial concubine and eventually became an Empress.  Public history has demonized this last empress, and Min endeavors to re-set history through scrupulous research and a magical retelling of the story of the woman who became the most powerful ruler of China and was perhaps the first feminist.  The complexity of the story and the detail of Min's writing reveals a woman of incredible determination, dedication, and fascination.  And, a study of author Min herself actually reveals the same.  When reading Min's books, I found myself unable to put them down and full of inspiration in so many ways.  All this to say, both the Empress and Min are current heroines of mine.  By identifying your personal heroine(s) or hero(s), you can bring to light qualities and values that you currently hold high and feel inspired to instill in your own life.  This information can then be transported into your vows.

Example:  I've identified "determination, dedication, and fascination" as values in these heroines that I admire.  So, in writing my vows,  I'd think about how I can use these very words and might come up with something like this: "In our life together, I will bring great determination to many things: to bettering myself as an individual; to carrying out our shared goals; and to facing challenges that arise.  I want to make apparent my dedication to this promise through considered daily action that reflects strength of character. This is a priority to me, because there is nothing more important than my love for you and always proving myself worthy of your love."

The "expert" in you.

Vow-writing inquiry of the day:

In the context of your relationship, what is your partner an "expert" in?

Exercise:

Ask your fiance to tell you something of value that he feels he's learned from you.  Then ask, how it is that you demonstrate this value in your life together, and what it is that motivated or inspired him to learned it from you.

Then switch roles. 

The results of this inquiry will offer you several things:

1.  You will feel appreciated and learn more about your significance in your partner's life.

2.  You will garner an understanding of how you are, and can continue to be, a teacher in your partner's life.

3.  You will garner an understanding of what motivates or inspires your partner to want to learn from you.

4.  You will gain insight into how you learn from your partner.

5.  Knowing that you have great substance to offer your partnership can inspire you to continue to offer up the best of yourself and serve your marriage well.

Write down what you said and what you heard.  All of the information that arises from this exercise provides great material for writing personal vows or a love letter to your partner.  In addition to making "promises" in your ceremony, you can also include words about your "appreciation" for each other.