Fresh Bride

Rings, Please.

I was doing some research one day and came across the word ylang-ylang. I learned that it’s the flower of a tropical Asian tree and yields an essential oil that’s widely used in perfumery. In Indonesia, the flower is considered an aphrodisiac, and the ylang-ylang petals are spread on the bed of newlywed couples.

I later met a bride who brought her wedding ring to one of our meetings so that I could see it. She was very excited about it and told me she bought it at Ylang, Ylang www.ylangylang.com (but also be sure to check out the fabulous www.ylang23.com). "Do you know what that word means?” she asked.

She was quite amused that her ring came from a store named for a flower that is commonly spread on the bed of Indonesian newlyweds for its mythical love-enhancing powers. So we decided to include this story in her wedding ceremony. For added interest, the rings were carried on a large and beautiful wood-carving of an Indonesian garuda (a mythical bird with spiritual powers). What the bride didn’t know is that I’d asked her matron of honor to arrange for a basket of ylang-ylang flowers to be delivered to the wedding ceremony. The matron of honor contacted the florist who figured out a way to get the job done. During the ceremony, after we told the story of the ylang-ylang flower and had the ring bearer carry in the rings, the bridesmaids surprised the bride and groom by sprinkling ylang-ylang flowers at their feet. And after the ceremony, the maid of honor came back to the ceremony site, gathered up the flower petals and slipped them into the bride’s getaway bag -- so she could lay them on her bed the night of her honeymoon.

So, what’s the story of your wedding band? If you don’t think you have one, just give it a try. Ask a friend to sit down with you so that you can tell her the story of how you chose, found, designed, received and/or discovered your wedding band. As you hear yourself talk out loud, you might just learn that you do have a story to tell. And identifying your story is the first step toward adding greater interest to your officiant’s request for the “rings please.”

Blowing in the Wind.

Outdoor wedding?  Be sure to get hurricane lamps to put over your candles if you're going to do a traditional unity candle lighting ceremony.  Odds are excellent that you will otherwise end up very frustrated and embarrassed trying to light your candles and keep them lit, in even the slightest breeze.  The hurricane lanterns will help protect the candles from the wind, but you still need to be quick and nimble in lighting the candles and getting the lids off and on.

Consider alternatives to the traditional unity candle:

- two colors of sand, combined into one clear glass bowl

- a small sip of wine from a new, family goblet

- an exchange of bouquets of flowers

Tossing Confetti.

I met a bride whose home was decorated in bright Mediterranean hues of yellow, red and blue.  She said it reflected her love of life and her playful spirit.  She and her fiance loved to have friends over to share a bottle of champagne and just, well, celebrate life.  She had lost her father many years ago, and her mother just the year before.  She now had a mission to celebrate her life as often as she could remember to.

So we created a celebratory introduction to her ceremony.  When she descended a staircase that led to the ceremony site, I asked her to pause so her guests and groom could take in her radiance while she caught her breath.  Her best friend then came forward to sprinkle bright and sparkly CONFETTI all along the path to the altar.  As a result, the bride was escorted down the aisle by the playful spirit of celebration she deeply valued. 

Family Expansion Contract.

When two lives are joined, so are the families that stand behind them.   In addition to your own exchange of vows, consider this possibility:

- a ceremonial signing of a "family expansion contract" that encourages open-mindedness and generosity among family members. 

If you take this one on, here are a few tips:

Several months before your wedding, meet with primary family members and invite them to help create a document they would be willing to sign.  (Details on how to facilitate this process available in my forthcoming book.)  This will encourage participation and interest in your wedding and the future of your married life. 

During your ceremony, one previously designated representative from each side of the family will be invited to come forward and join you in signing the family document.  Make this experience fun and memorable in the following ways:

- provide a personally engraved pen for each person signing.  The pen then is given as a gift in thanks for their valued participation in this ceremonial event.

- after your wedding day, frame copies of the document for each relevant family member.  Choose a frame suitable for display in each recipient's home.  This makes a unique gift honoring their importance in your life, and it provides constant reminder of your invitation for their support of your marriage.

Something old. Something NEW!

Something old. Something new. Something borrowed.  Something blue.

Going to great lengths to live out this tradition?  Why not make it part of your ceremony.  Designate four lucky people to be invited to bring you each item, one at a time, as the officiant describes the meaning or its story.  Do it as a complete segment of your ceremony (all four items presented in a row) or piece by piece at different times in the ceremony.

Example:  Is your "something old" great grandmother's handmade lace handkerchief?  Have your matron of honor carry it down the aisle for you.  The officiant can then invite her to present it to you at the beginning of your ceremony, just after you arrive at the altar -- "to catch any tears of joy that may flow while exchanging your vows."

Better yet, your matron of honor is reading this and sets it up as a surprise!  :)

Inviting Invitations.

The wording on your invitation can set the stage for an exceptional ceremony.  Here's original wording I wrote for a couple being married in a cliff-top garden at the home of a friend:

There's a place on Earth

1,000 feet above the neighboring sea

where we will gather in the garden of a beloved friend

among those whom we most cherish.

There,

we will make sacred vows of commitment

in a ceremony intended to

strengthen our experience of life as partners

and our belief in the tradition of family.

Joy-filled we'd be if you will join us.

Saturday, May 10, 2005 at Noon

at the home of Marc Rhodell

101 Cliff View Road

Malibu, California

43 Things.

Happy New Year!  Now that the holiday sugar is burning off, it's time to add a "my wedding" category to your list of resolutions. 

Add 43 things you want -- want to do, to be, to feel, to hear, to see, to touch, to know, to laugh about -- on your wedding day.  Need inspiration?  Check out www.43things.com  Then customize your list by making it all about your wedding.  (Natch!  Isn't everything these days?)