Vows with Integrity.

It's one thing to write vows full of promises, but will you be able to live up to them? 

Fellow blogger Mona Grayson has a great inspirational blog at: http://blog.letsdothework.com/ and she offers this definition of "integrity":

"Living in integrity is when your actions and beliefs match."

Vows are based on beliefs.  But sometimes we struggle to live up to our beliefs -- and thus live up to our vows.

Case study:  Mark and Judy came to meet with me a year after being married because Mark couldn't deal with sickness and Judy had become ill a great many times in the past year.  Mark loved Judy very much, but he wasn't ever taught how to take care of someone when they got sick and he felt repulsed by illness.  He wanted to change but didn't know how.  It was important to him to change because at his wedding, he promised to love Judy "in sickness and in health."  He wasn't doing a good job of matching his actions to his promise.  He was living out of integrity. This was making him feel badly about himself, and Judy was feeling abandoned.

Now consider if the vow about sickness and health had been written this way for Mark:

"I promise to care for you in all conditions in health.  The truth is that this is going to be difficult for me because I am not comfortable with illness.  So, I invite you to help me learn how to best to care for you -- by offering me gentle guidance during the times that you are well. This will give me steady ground for learning how to care for you when you are unwell and most vulnerable.  I ask for your patience, and I trust that my love for you will assist me in this learning.  I promise you that as your husband, I will show up for this task."

Mark stated this new vow to Judy in a ceremony conducted just for this purpose, with a few close friends and family as witnesses.  Integrity is on its way.  How cool is that? 

Comments

[Jess]

That is truly cool. Very moving.