Fresh Bride

Party Favors & The Ceremony.

Here's an example of how to tie in your party favors with your ceremony to create continuity in the day --  meaning each aspect of the wedding day is connected to the others, not "separate from."  The ceremony can offer meaning and excitement about the forthcoming wedding favors.  For example...

There's a company called Evergreen Memories, www.evergreenmemories.ca, through which you can give your guests a gift of nature  -- a seedling tree beautifully boxed for your wedding (photo below).  If you were to give these as favors, you could talk about them in your wedding ceremony so that the guests know why you chose them, which creates added meaning to the gift you are giving.  How?  Have one of your friends read an explanation that goes like this:

"As you know, Rick and Sara love the outdoors.  They spend a lot of time camping and hiking and river rafting and have great regard for the state of the environment.  So, before you leave today, you will each receive the gift of a seedling tree to plant.  Rick and Sara request that you plant this tree with careful attention, that you care for it with love in honor of their wedding, and that you make a dedication when you plant it -- 'for the betterment of the environment.'  Today in this ceremony, we take a moment to do just that -- to plant Rick and Sara's seedling tree in this specially chosen pot, which is a gift from their wedding party; to honor their love; and to honor their love for the environment.  We invite Rick's friend Lars, who is here from Belgium, and Sara's friend Cherise, a master gardener, to come forward and do the honors."

Note:  you can place a little water dipping bowl and a pretty towel on the ceremony table where this ritual is conducted so that the planters can freely touch the dirt and then delicately clean their hands  before returning to their seats.

Love Letter In A Box.

Write a love letter to your partner, then make a special, custom, artsy keepsake box for your letter (like the one in the photo below made by Sharilyn at www.lovelydesign.com. On your wedding day, read the letter to your partner as part of your ceremony.  Then secretly stash it away in the specially designed box and mail it to your lover for arrival on your first anniversary.  What fun it will be to re-visit your wedding day through the words in your love letter -- which have now become an anniversary gift and a keepsake forever.

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Customized Ceremonial Objects.

Instead of the usual wedding ring pillow, do something unusual for the presentation of your wedding rings.  Here's one idea from "d sharp," an artist who handcrafts objects (in this case a jewelry holder) out of vintage sheet music and organza ribbon: 

http://www.studiodsharp.com/weddings.html

About Tracy Masington, M.A.

I've been asked to publish a bio, so here's one...    Tracy Masington, M.A. is a ceremony artist, writer, interfaith counselor, and legal wedding officiant.  She writes and performs 100% personalized marriage and commitment ceremonies.  She has garnered a reputation in the wedding industry for her eclectic creativity.  Her signature ceremony style is described as "interactive artwork for the wedding day." In addition to facilitating the ceremonies she writes, Tracy regularly consults with couples nationwide to help them write their own vows, and she writes ceremony scripts for other individuals or communities to perform on their own.

Tracy also works in private practice providing psychotherapeutic counseling services.  She holds a master's degree in Clinical Psychology and specializes in facilitating the process of “Discovery and Pursuit of Your Calling: The Fine Art of Figuring Out What To Do (Next) With Your Life.” ™  In conjunction with her wedding ceremonies, she also provides pre-marital counseling for those who are intersted.

All of Tracy’s work is informed by education, training, and professional experience in the fields of world religions, mindfulness meditation, yoga, Buddhism, anthropology, post-modern psychology, journalism, indigenous cultural practices for healing and ritual, transformational arts, and public relations. 

She’s big on restoring conscious attention to the wedding ceremony by making each ceremony one-of-a-kind, totally relevant to the individuals involved, and incredibly fun and engaging for the community of family and friends in attendance.

Further details and testimonials are available at: www.ceremonies.info  Also check out her blog at:  www.freshbride.com.

Alternatives To The Unity Candle

I first learned about the need for alternatives to unity candles when my own wouldn't stay lit at my outdoor wedding. Since that time, I have learned to suggest to my brides that if they want to use a candle for the unification ritual, they need to make sure it's put into a large hurricane lantern so it's sheltered from the wind. 

But how about alternatives to fighting the wind?  One is to pass around a beautiful goblet filled with wine so that each participating family member may take a small sip.  Sharing a drink of wine has been a ceremonial ritual for eons but it's not often used in this way, so it offers a new take on an old tradition.

Or if you want to be really fun, let the "celebration" begin right in the middle of your ceremony.  Have someone carry in a tray of champagne glasses.  Invite the pre-designated family members to come forward to share in the unification ritual of clinking glasses, as one person reads: 

"To the unification of our two families.  May it be peaceful and loving.  May we always demonstrate the respect for each other than we want for ourselves.  May we each share the best of our unique qualities for the benefit of the whole.  And may our times together be abundantly joyful." 

Cheers!  A champagne unification!

Are You A Worthy Partner?

"A soul -- our own I, our individuality -- must, paradoxically, be earned before it can be bestowed. It is up to us to build our cathedral, to become a worthy vessel, before the spark can safely become a living fire, transforming every cell of the body into an instrument for the individual expression of the divine here on earth."  ~ Martha Heyneman, from the Fall 2005 issue of PARABOLA

How have you prepared your individual self for marriage?  Are you a worthy vessel in your own right for life's expression ?  Or perhaps there are ways in which you are hoping your mate will "complete you" and make you that worthy vessel. 

Contrary to popular thought -- or cinematic influences as the case may be, ie: Tom Cruise in the 1996 film "Jerry McGuire" -- if you are counting on your mate to "complete you," you are setting yourself up for trouble.

There's a fine line between having a partner support you in being or becoming your own person and counting on that person to deliver the spark for you.  Check in with your truth. Own it before your wedding day. 

Here's a question that can help.  Include your answer in your vows.

How do I intend to conduct myself in my marriage that will make me worthy of my partner?

Engage Your Guests!

I became a ceremony writer and officiant, in part, after sitting at one too many weddings observing people looking at their watches and wondering when dinner would be served. The problem is that guests are frequently invited to be passive witnesses at a ceremony that has nothing to do with them personally.  The remedy is to engage your guests in your ceremony by involving them in it.  Give them something to do.  Let them know their presence matters.  Here's one way:

Just before you say your vows, have your bridesmaids carry baskets of flower petals to the guests, asking each guest to take a handful. The officiant then guides your guests through holding their petals next to their heart while making a silent wish for the bride and groom.  After a pause of silence for wish making, the officiant instructs the guests to come sprinkle the flower petals in a circle around the feet of the marrying couple.  The guests then return to their seats. And you are swimming in the good wishes of all your guests just as you approach the most important part of your ceremony:  your vows and ring exchange.  This is a beautiful and incredibly moving ritual for everyone present. It's also great for photos.  I know.  I've been there many times.

Enjoy!

Honoring A Deceased Relative.

Sadly, many brides and grooms have lost a parent prior to their wedding day.  Their presence, however, can be brought into your ceremony by honoring their memory with a simple, personalized ritual such as adding a flower to the bridal bouquet.

Here are instructions for the ritual honoring the deceased mother-of-the-bride.  It may be adapted, of course, to honor any family member(s).

Have your florist provide you with a special flower that can be easily slipped into your bouquet.  After your arrival at the altar and before anything else happens, a previously designated relative brings your groom this special flower.  He then slides it into the center of your bouquet, and the officiant says:  On this day, we honor the memory of the bride's beloved mother by adding a specially chosen flower to the bride's bouquet. 

Sweet.  Simple.  Joyful.  Pretty. 

Vows with Integrity.

It's one thing to write vows full of promises, but will you be able to live up to them? 

Fellow blogger Mona Grayson has a great inspirational blog at: http://blog.letsdothework.com/ and she offers this definition of "integrity":

"Living in integrity is when your actions and beliefs match."

Vows are based on beliefs.  But sometimes we struggle to live up to our beliefs -- and thus live up to our vows.

Case study:  Mark and Judy came to meet with me a year after being married because Mark couldn't deal with sickness and Judy had become ill a great many times in the past year.  Mark loved Judy very much, but he wasn't ever taught how to take care of someone when they got sick and he felt repulsed by illness.  He wanted to change but didn't know how.  It was important to him to change because at his wedding, he promised to love Judy "in sickness and in health."  He wasn't doing a good job of matching his actions to his promise.  He was living out of integrity. This was making him feel badly about himself, and Judy was feeling abandoned.

Now consider if the vow about sickness and health had been written this way for Mark:

"I promise to care for you in all conditions in health.  The truth is that this is going to be difficult for me because I am not comfortable with illness.  So, I invite you to help me learn how to best to care for you -- by offering me gentle guidance during the times that you are well. This will give me steady ground for learning how to care for you when you are unwell and most vulnerable.  I ask for your patience, and I trust that my love for you will assist me in this learning.  I promise you that as your husband, I will show up for this task."

Mark stated this new vow to Judy in a ceremony conducted just for this purpose, with a few close friends and family as witnesses.  Integrity is on its way.  How cool is that? 

Wedding Party Diagram.

"Day of" jitters can get to the ceremony attendants as well as the bride and groom.  As an officiant who arrives extra early on the wedding day, I am regularly met by bridesmaids and groomsmen who ask: "Now when do I walk down the aisle again and where do I stand?" 

It's not unusual for attendants to forget.  Yes, even your best friend and your sister may forget!  No fault of their own.  It's very natural for excitement and nervousness to override the instructions provided at the rehearsal just the night before.

Solution:  Write out the line-up for walking down the aisle and diagram your attendants' standing positions when they arrive at the wedding ceremony space. 

Anything will work -- crayon, pencil, pen or something a lot more professional looking.  Write a list of your attendants' names in the order of their departure for the walk down the aisle.  Also sketch out a picture showing them where to stand in reference to the officiant.  (Notice, I said "in reference to the officiant" not the bride and groom, since the bride and groom won't yet be in their ceremony positions when the attendants arrive.  The attendants will arrive before the bride and groom.)  Then, tack up your list and diagram in the women's and men's dressing rooms on your wedding day.  Your attendants can be reminded of their positions without having to stress you out just before the start of your ceremony.