The Secret to Writing Vows.

What secrets are you keeping from your mate?  We all have secrets!  It's only human.  No problem with this.  However, you should know what would make you feel safe enough to share them with your partner.  And that is what wedding vows are made of.

Here's a short exercise to turn deeply-held secrets into powerful vows:

1.  Privately, make a list of all your secrets. Call this list "A."

2.  Ask yourself this question:

"What would it take to make me feel safe enough to share all my secrets with my fiance?" 

Write down lots of answers.  Call this list "B." 

3.  Now, share List "B" with your partner. Have a really generous conversation about what makes you feel so safe in your relationship that you can talk about anything.

Discover what you have in common. Consider, without judgement, the ways you are different.  Learn what your partner needs in order to confidently trust you. Define how you can offer your partner what is needed.

4.  Together, write down at least 3 very clear statements that say exactly how you will work to create that safe environment. These statements are vows.  Voila!